Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
