hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
