you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
