Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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