i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
