i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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