you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
