I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
false alarm. still invincible.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
