if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize