1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
