I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
