I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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