I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
