I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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