This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
