I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
