I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
