there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
