You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm always down for nudity.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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