i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
