Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
