It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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