and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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