Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i dont even know how to be here
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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