i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
