Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
