hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
