i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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