i just had sex bonerless
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Randomize
