I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
