fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
