Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
