I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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