Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
