wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
