smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize