If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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