'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
