He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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