she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
