it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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