I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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