this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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