obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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