I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
