He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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