what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
