I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
