If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
