I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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