how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
