I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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