the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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