I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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