I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
