When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
