with your own penis?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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