he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
