How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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