Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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