he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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