I wannas sexs uuuuu
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She bit a glass in half.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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