Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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