i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I did not marry a roomba.
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