apparently the secret to your success is patron
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
