You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
