Will you blow on my dice?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
